When I was kid in Oklahoma my friends and I spent hours doing things that could seriously hurt or even kill us. Climb the house, jump the roof? You bet! Jump into a rapids with rocks with no float or life preserver? Absolutely! If I did get hurt or seriously injured it was because I was my own worst enemy.
As you get older, you find new ways to destroy yourself. None more potent, than reaching your teens and early twenties and discovering partying! Binge drinking with music blaring, and girls staring. How cool was I? Cool enough to slam a "forty" in front of your face and think I was the man. Time and again, I would wake up the next morning with a headache that felt like I was the guy in Hangover who got hit by Tyson. Another example of ME, being my own worst enemy.
We will destroy ourselves for no logical reasoning only to slowly rise and do it all over again. But why put ourselves through that punishment? Do we need the challenge? Do we not feel comfortable when life seems normal, and then purposely sabotage ourselves to keep things ugly?
I think for me, I keep myself in limbo on purpose, so I have something to blame when I fail at trying to be decent to myself. Recently that happened. I wrote my last blog about two weeks ago. In that time I found myself in Des Moines, IA where I failed at EVERY single task I set out to do. I was once again, MY own worst enemy; Setting myself farther and farther back from what is supposed to be my lifestyle change; My journal of entries that shows the progress of me becoming the person I have been longing to be....again.
Of course, my friends from Papi's Inner Circle came to my aid and began the process of lifting me up and brushing dirt off my self pity. After licking my wounds and driving all over southern Ohio and Western Kentucky to see my Cousin Mason, an epiphany hit me. Every time I ever succeeded in ANYTHING, I was busy doing.....not talking. It was results driven, not hype laden.
So, I have decided not put down big plans and schemes on my posts and merely focus back to the results and feeling I've had from the previous week. I appreciate all the people in my life who've taken the time to check on me, ask why I'm ordering ice cream (Danielle) or if a burger joint I checked into on Foursquare has salads (Tim Evans). Even Robert Stemmons who always offers a link or workout picture to inspire me.
I guess in the end, if Im to rid myself of my worst enemy, I must get ME out of the way. I'm learning here folks; and painting on a white canvas with colors I don't fully understand yet. The picture is starting to form in my head. But it's gonna be better for me if I simply paint and quit talking about what the picture can be.
Again, thanks for growing with me and pitting up with e every pop up screen you see from me. Much love and thanks, now let's see what happens after my RETURN this week to Des Moines. I'm looking for a rematch...with ME!
